Thursday, September 15, 2005

Gillette Offers New 75-blade Razor

In an attempt to be the silliest razor company in existence, Gillette is announcing the 5-blade Fusion razor. This is a step up from Gillette's previous innovation, the Mach15 TurboCharged Rocket Razor.

I hate shaving as much as the next guy, but how many fooking blades do I need and after 3 or 4, how much of a difference does it really make? After a certain point it's not the razor that's the problem, it's the face. Until they figure out how to give us all perfect square faces with no nose and no chin to get in the way, they're just spinning their wheels as far as I'm concerned.

But what's great about this is that Gillette CEO James Kilts warned the industry back in February of last year in a special column for The Onion that they'd be jumping to five blades: "You think it's crazy? It is crazy. But I don't give a shit. From now on, we're the ones who have the edge in the multi-blade game. Are they the best a man can get? Fuck, no. Gillette is the best a man can get."

The Onion is becoming like the Nostradamus of our times.