Monday, October 17, 2005

Rocky 6: Fetch Me My Glasses

Sylvester Stallone announced today that he will reprise his role as underdog boxer Rocky Balboa in Rocky 6. Thoughtfully titled "Rocky Balboa," the film will give a few nods to Rocky's advanced age, including:

  • The main fight of the film will be a verbal boxing match with Balboa's wife Adrian over a Scrabble game, in which Adrian insists that "yo" is not a real word and that Rocky must take back his triple word score.
  • Rocky brooding over his troubles while enjoying his favorite hobbies of gardening and Internet porn.
  • An ongoing gag in which Rocky awakens repeatedly during the night to pee, due to an enlarged prostate.
  • Rocky Junior (played by David Spade) graduates from college with a degree in product design and creates a revolutionary weightless boxing glove. Rocky serves as the glove's celebrity spokesperson.

In a moving final scene, Rocky will confess to Adrian that he is illiterate after unsuccessfully attempting to read the memoirs of "that Fantasia chick" from American Idol.

Pass the popcorn.