Friday, March 24, 2006

I've been meaning to post

but, you know, things happen. I'm hoping to post again someday. Not sure when or if that's going to happen. I'm just a cranky old fart, anyway, what am I really adding positive by talking sheets on this blog? Not much, really, so I don't know if I'll be back or not.

This blogging can be kind of fun, but damn if it's not a time waster. We all only have so many hours and minutes to live, and you have to think hard about whether posting pictures of hot chicks and railing away about politics to an audience of people you don't know and can count on one hand is really a good way to spend your time.

If nothing else, I pissed off Michelle Malkin for one day, or more likely just provided fodder for her twisted view of the world, but that was fun. Not so much fun that I want to keep showing up day after day to do it, though.

So, we'll see. You may or may not hear from me again. The good thing about Blogger is, you can always change your mind.

If I don't return, know in your hearts that Ernest T. Blunderford will always be your friend. (Unless you're Republican.)

Thursday, March 02, 2006

Feeling Funky and Perhaps Smelling Funky

Next to "doesn't give a fook" in the dictionary is this picture.

Each Side of That Chin, Jay Baby

Dolly Parton comes on to Jay Leno.

Yay! Lindsay Lohan's Boob!

Picture Flush

I've got a bunch of pictures I was going to add hilarious captions to, or pictures of hot women that want me, and I've been short on time. So here they all are:

No Wonder He Thought Brownie Was Doing A Helluva Job

Ever heard the phrase that says "it's all relative"?

Sure Michael Brown wasn't so hot at his job and a lot of people died in Hurricane Katrina, but at least he seemed to realize what the fook a hurricane can do. The monkey-in-chief, on the other hand, sat there staring ahead and saying "we gotcha covered" in his confident cowboy tone that long ago stopped comforting anyone.

So it is any surprise that while he was lying about no one anticipating the breach of the levees he was secretly thinking to himself, "actually Brownie anticipated that. He's dune a helluva job."

Because, in comparison, Brownie was doing a helluva job.

@ WillBardwell: "Ironically, these new tapes seem to suggest that the only person on top of things was, of all people, former FEMA director Michael Brown."

@ The Reid Report: "Not that any of this will sway the dwindling cadre of die-hard Bushies, who apparently can find nothing that the president could do (or fail to do) that would cost him their absolute, prostrate allegiance. It's a bit sad, really, the way they hang on to the man..."

@ In From The Cold: "How was the President supposed to act? The image of the Commander in Chief running around like a chicken with its head chopped off is not the behavior we expect of a President--and it certainly wouldn't inspire confidence in senior aides and other officials who would make key decisions in the hours that followed. A panicked President would have sent exactly the wrong signal, and perhaps led to an even more disjointed response, as a sense of dread and fear spread throughout the ranks."

@ PC540: "Do you in fact think maybe Brown was the one who leaked this information to AP in an attempt to vindicate himself?"

@ Parrot Cage: "At this key moment of crisis, as preparations were engaged, the President didn't ask a single question of his advisers nor issue a single unique insight or recommendation. This is the Clarence Thomas School of Management. Opening his mouth doesn't exactly inspire confidence, but Bush rarely spares the public that disappointment."

Monday, February 20, 2006

Is Jimmy Carter Siding with the Terrorists?

I love Jimmy Carter. He may be the greatest ex-president we've ever had. But Jimmy's talking out his glutes today in the Washington Post.

Carter's making the case that the U.S. & Israel should go easy on the Palestinians despite their electing the terrorists in Hamas to be their leaders. To see how crazy this is, all you have to do is read these sentences from one of Carter's first paragraphs, which presumably he wrote with a straight face (I added the bolding on the particularly-silly line):

Although Hamas won 74 of the 132 parliamentary seats, Palestinian President Mahmoud Abbas retains the right to propose and veto legislation, with 88 votes required to override his veto. With nine of its elected members remaining in prison, Hamas has only 65 votes, plus whatever third-party support it can attract.
So Jimmy is telling us that Hamas doesn't really have as much power as it might appear. Why? Because 9 of the people elected are in friggin' jail! Jimmy! They're in jail! We should sit back and be cool when the Palestinians are electing jailed criminals to be their leaders? Yes, I realize that 9 or more of our own country's elected leaders should be in jail, but generally not for murder (although Dick Cheney came close). That's a sign of bad judgement when you elect jailed terrorists to lead you, Jimmy.

The rest of the piece is fairly dry and boring, but one other line jumped out at me:

The election of Hamas candidates cannot adversely affect genuine peace talks, since such talks have been nonexistent for over five years.
So what are you saying, Jimmy? Since we haven't been able to get any peace anyway, what's the difference if the terrorists are in charge?

Jimmy, you're an agent of peace. But Hamas is not. Don't downplay what they're capable of.

@ Booman Tribune: "Nowhere is the schizophrenia of the Bush administration's attitude toward democracy more evident than in their decision to collude with Israel to deny Palestine with the funding they need (including their own honestly earned tariff revenues) to pay for basic services."

@ California Conservative: "It’s time to move this doddering old fool from the national stage and into a rest home somewhere that he won’t be a further embarassment to himself and where he can’t kiss up to all of the global tyrants, although there aren’t that many tyrants left that he hasn’t touted as great leaders."

@ Evil Bobby: "Hamas will surely gain funding from other, less peace minded, governments in the region, if they're cut off from all sources of money. Iran for one, will step up in an instant to completely fund Hamas."

@ Holy Coast: "Let us all pause for a moment and give thanks that Jimmuh and his like are no longer in positions of power in the United States."

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

She's Not My Mom

O.K., here's the deal -- when you're talking to me about your mother, please refer to her as "my mother" or "my mom" but not simply as "Mom". She's not my mom, she's your mom, and she has a proper name, so don't just say "Mom" when referring to her.

It drives me up a fooking wall when you do that.

I Give Up, Lindsay!

I resisted her for a while, but I'm giving in.

Kristin Chenoweth


A couple things...

Overread: "I've also discovered that the sandwiches from Quizno's are seemingly marinated in salt, then rolled around in salt, then buttered and covered in a salt glaze."

I wish every bull got a chance to do this before entering the bullring.

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Hooray! More Pubes from PETA!

I'm all for PETA most of the time. I like animals and all. But these demonstrations baffle me -- I couldn't care less what they're talking about, I just spend my time looking at the bodies and trying to spot pubic hair, which I can in this shot, yee haba! Also, this demonstration is in Barcelona, Spain, yet the sign is in English, so no one around can read it. They must have known that Blunderford can't resist the pubes and would put it on his blog.

what i've seen today

Kanye West as Jesus Christ.

UPN and WB combining to form a bigger network that no one will watch. (The Comics Fan: "I wonder, though, whether the end of WB will throw cold water on an Aquaman series that’s being developed by the guys who created 'Smallville.'" I think we're all wondering about that.)

Man Has Cardiac Arrest at Cardiologist Ball

A guy bit a passenger and then jumped out of the moving plane onto the tarmac. Troy Rigby's 15 minutes of fame.

White House says gas prices still too high. Friggin geniuses running this place.

Maria Sharapova squealing and grunting may be illegal, but enjoyed by men everywhere.

Al Gore is promising to bore us all to death with another book.

Russia says British used rock to spy. I think this happens at Epcot Center as well, but I have no proof.

Monday, January 23, 2006

George W. Bush dogged by Pakistanis

It is unclear exactly what breed of terrior Bush is, but it is definitely a big one.

How Many Feet in a Meter, How Many Quarts In a Gallon

Every so often you need to know certain measurement information that is practically impossible to remember unless you are a goob who likes math. I know you're not, so you need help.

Below is Blunderford's guide to common measurement conversions. Feel free to thank me or let me know of other measurements you often forget in the comments below...

  • How many feet in a meter? There are 3.28084 feet in a meter, there are 3 feet in a yard. This is why yards are superior to meters.
  • How many cups in a pint? Two
  • How many pints in a quart? Two.
  • How many cups in a quart? Four.
  • How many quarts in a liter? 1.05669 US quarts. That two liter soda is actually more than two quarts -- it would be like a bonus if that last glass in the bottle wasn't always completely flat.
  • How many quarts in a gallon? There are 4 quarts in a gallon.
  • How many pounds in a ton? 2000.
  • How many feet in a mile? 5,280.
  • How many meters in a mile? Roughly 1609.34. I've never known anyone who actually needed this measurement, but what the hell I thought, throw it in there.
  • How many yards in a mile? 1760, a nice round number that again proves the superiority of the yard versus the meter or any other metric B.S.
  • How many teaspoons in a tablespoon? 3. I always think it's two, which explains the taste of the blueberry muffins I'm always whipping up.
  • How many ounces in a cup? 8 fluid ounces.
  • How many ounces in a gallon? 128 ounces.
  • How many ounces in a pound? 16 ounces. The ounces thing always trips me up, and if you look at the word "ounces" for too long, it's hard to believe it's a real word or you start to think you must have spelled it wrong.
  • How many ounces in a ton? 32,000.
  • How many times are they gonna give Jenna Elfman her own show before understanding we don't like her? Four.
  • How many more days until George W. Bush is out of office? Don't get me started, pal.
  • How many old Vince Vaughans in the new Vince Vaughan? Two. (This would have been funnier if I'd spelled his name right. It's actually Vince Vaughn.)
  • How many Halle Berrys in one of Aretha Franklin's breasts? 3.4.

I could do this forever.

Fabiana Bertoldi

I don't know why everyone's looking for her, but here's a look at Fabiana Bertoldi. She looks good, yes.

Friday, January 13, 2006

How to Cure Depression

Feeling depressed? Bush still in the White House, Alito partying like it's 1949, you got in a fight with that lady in the supermarket who cut you off in line, etc.?

I hate to be a Johnny-Come-Lately, but the answer to beating depression has been under our noses all the time:

How to Good-bye Depression: If You Constrict Anus 100 Times Everyday. Malarkey? or Effective Way?